A Dangerous Business

Date: 6th December 2023

Start: Pahautea Hut (km 816.4)

End: Jo’s Funny Farm (km 831.4)

Distance Travelled: 15 km

Total Distance Completed: 828 km

Song Currently Stuck in Head: Enter Sandman by Metallica

Soup: good soup

The trouble with huts is that you never want to leave them but you always have to. Inside is comfortable, dry, and cosy. Outside is cold, rough, and (today especially) very muddy. I didn’t have a choice. One way or another I need to get off this mountain and any way I choose is going to be slow and muddy.

Once again I left in the company of Vicki and Sonja, heading up a lovely boardwalk to the summit of Hihikiwi.

The boardwalk ended the instant we hit the summit, then it was right into the mud. No nice trail to warm us up first, we were diving into the deep end, hopefully only metaphorically. We knew the next 5 km to the bottom of the track would take us a long time, it was just a matter of taking things a step at a time and not taking any unwarranted risks.

Vicki soon zoomed ahead, leaving just Sonja and I making our ways very slowly over every root and mud pool. Several other hikers who’d started far later than us soon overtook us. It felt like the Dome all over again, but I was adamant that I wouldn’t fall into the same attitude traps of frustration and impatience. This isn’t a race, some hikers are just more confident on slippery descents than I am and that’s ok. Well, I say descent but in reality we were climbing up to another mountain only slightly lower than Pirongia.

These 3 kilometres to this viewpoint had been very slow, going just a bit over 1 km/h. Both Sonja and I were being very cautious, doing our very best to avoid the worst of the mud due to a fear of falling over and possibly injuring ourselves, and also not being particularly keen on getting excessively dirty. Everyone else, it seemed like, didn’t care.

From the viewpoint, it was all downhill to the trailhead and I expected the mud to be similar in severity. That expectation lasted for, oh maybe 10 metres. Then the soup course arrived.

Yes, this was no longer mud, this was in fact a brown soup. Sonja got in first, the mud coming halfway up her shins. Me? Well I’m a bit shorter so it came up to my knees. My rain pants can cope with a lot, but not this. Now with damp feet, the tension had been broken. There was no longer a need to keep them dry so we were free to just go for it and have some fun in these frankly absurd track conditions. Avoiding mud? Forget it, just go straight through and worry about the consequences later. Sonja and I could only laugh at what we were faced with, finding a great deal of humour in the apparent arbitrary placing of boardwalks that always seemed to end in the worst possible places.

When I started today I did not expect to have this much fun on such a tough trail. The challenge was still there but I could now fully embrace it. It also helped that this was the sticky kind of mud that tries to take your shoes off, not the slippery surface level mud that I’ve also had to deal with. Setting a cracking pace of 1.5 km/h, we barreled down the mountain over roots and through the soup, never really feeling in danger of falling over. Conditions gradually improved as we descended, at long last reaching the trailhead where we were met by basically everyone who had past us on the mountain.

Resting and cleaning our weary feet in a nearby stream, we used the trailhead as a convenient lunch break. I normally take my shoes off during lunch but keep my socks on, this time they all came off and I really didn’t want to put them all again. With a 9.5 km road walk ahead of us, it seemed like I didn’t really have a choice. Unless I did…

Yes, I walked the entire road section in jandals. The smartest decision it wasn’t but it was surprisingly doable, helped by the fact that I could always find a flat track on the gravel road. The clouds and wind helped keep the temperature down, so we made good progress to our home for the night: Jo’s Funny Farm. Jo has a long history as a trail angel in these parts, first beginning after a series of hikers walked up here drive, exhausted after the descent from Pirongia and desperate for somewhere to camp. Over the years she has developed quite the reputation and is now one of the most popular trail angels on Te Araroa. Sonja and I walked up her drive at 3:30 and entered the welcoming arms of her shed already occupied by many hikers.

Jo introduced herself later on, as did her very friendly dog Pip who provided much entertainment for us throughout the evening. Part of Jo’s magic is that she offers both dinner and breakfast to all who past through her place, most of which is made with her own produce.

Real homemade food tastes so much better after a day full of mud. The evening hours were then filled with much chatter with Jo about our adventures so far, our annoyance at having to walk 35 odd kilometres tomorrow, and just generally shooting the breeze, all in the comfort of Jo’s shed. When it came time for bed, we simply brought out a bunch of mattresses. Mine was soon occupied, but not by me…

After resorting to deception by throwing a tennis ball out the door and closing it behind Pip, the lights were turned off, threats were made to any potential snorers, and our heads hit our respective pillows, with glad hearts after a hard but memorable day of hiking through Aotearoa.