A Dangerous Business

Date: 21st December 2023

Start: Ngaporo Campsite (km 1274.8)

End: Flying Fox (km 1313.9)

Distance Travelled: 39.2 km

Total Distance Completed: 1267.9 km

Song Currently Stuck in Head: I Ain’t Worried by OneRepublic

Rock Friends Made: one too many

Sometimes I miss the early days of my multi-day hiking career when I’d only have to walk 15 km each day. Long days like the one I’m about to embark on today are very tiring, even with the faster speeds we can do on the water.

Right, let’s talk about the situation facing us this morning. About 3 km out of camp is a rapid known as the Fifty/Fifty. I hope I don’t need to explain the origins of that name. But because the river was so low, recent reports suggested it was more like Zero/Hundred. Vicky and I didn’t fancy those odds, our respective partners (Matt and Nil) did. The pan was therefore for Matt and I to swap canoes for this first bit. Seems easy enough. Wrong. I’d have to take Matt’s position in the back and steer the canoe. Not an exciting prospect considering there were a few rapids to pass through prior to the big one. Moreover, before we set off, Vicky said something along the lines of “this feels like we’re being set up for disaster.”

Setting off into still water, I tried to get the hang of steering with the longer paddle. It seemed… fine. Not great, really not sure how I’d go on the rapids. I’d find out soon after, hitting the first rapid in a state of mild panic. We got down fine, but then I couldn’t keep us on track and we drifted into an eddie and spun around. Not the confidence boost I was after at all. The second rapid was soon after. This one, to put it very mildly, was an absolute mess. Firstly, there was a note on the map telling us that if the river is low we should go to the left of the big rock on the second rapid after camp. Thus was the second rapid, but I’ve just seen someone go on the far right in relative ease. Might as well follow them.

The next 30 seconds proved me so incredibly wrong. We enter the rapid and I see the big rock. Instantly remembering the map note, I panic and try to correct and go to the left. Big mistake. I may have been on the wrong line but I should’ve stuck with it and ridden it out. In the end, I didn’t go to the left or the right of the rock. I clattered straight into it. Next thing I know, I’m on the floor of the canoe, as is Vicky. In a flash I’m back on my seat and instinctively start paddling. Trouble is, we’re now heading straight for the side of the river, which happened to be a tall rock wall. I hit that one too, the canoe begins tipping, water pours in, but it somehow rights itself. Still not thinking rationally in the slightest, I glance a look to my left and see a whirlpool with a paddle inside it. Oh. Vicky lost her paddle. Again, not knowing exactly how I managed it, I grabbed the paddle, tossed it forward and frantically got free of the rapid. My thoughts at this point were “Vicky’s gonna kill me, I’m such an idiot” and “BAIL OUT THE WATER YOU LOSER.” But I didn’t bail water. Knowing there were other canoes behind me, I looked behind me… and saw one of them upside down. Anne and Snacks had hit the rock too but side on and fully capsized into the river. We pulled over to a nearby bank (confidence completely gone) and helped right their canoe. I felt terrible. My incompetence had put a friend in danger. I didn’t want to go another inch, but we still hadn’t reached the Fifty/Fifty.

Extremely tentatively, still shaking a bit, we set off again. Mercifully the river had flattened out so I used this time to try (more in desperation) to get the hang of steering. All the while, I kept one eye on the river ahead to make sure I didn’t accidentally slip into the big one. In the end it was easy to spot. Wild water could be seen on the left side of the river and Matt was on the bank flying his drone, so this was definitely the Fifty/Fifty. Bravely I kept to the right side and safely beached the canoe on the bank. Meanwhile, Alex and his crewmate Flo had gone for it. Their canoe reared up over the first rapid and came down with a crash, followed closely by the second one. Now swamped with water, the third proved too much for their little boat, tipping them into the river. Matt and Nil hadn’t fared much better. Apparently they had made it all the way through without capsizing, but the canoe was now a submersible with all the water it had taken in, finally succumbing and giving the guys the soaking they deserved.

After witnessing Alex and Flo’s adventure, everyone else also bravely skipped it, although we all stopped on the bank whilst the boys dried themselves off. My time as a canoe skipper was over, thank goodness. I could now go back to relying on Nil to point me in the right direction. Vicky was still in good spirits but I bet she was also very happy to be back with Matt.

We quickly passed Pipiriki after leaving the rapid, leaving the Great Walks section of the river journey and the national park for that matter. We still had a long way to go and the river threw up a few more surprises for us along the way, including a couple of fairly sizeable rapids. Operating under the assumption that any unnamed rapid wasn’t worth worrying about, we dove right into them and had a great time. Sadly they were becoming more sporadic the further downstream we got, with long sections of flat river requiring a lot of effort to get through. The environment on the surrounding hills was also changing. Native bush was transforming into introduced trees and farmland, with goats and sheep freely roaming the slopes of the river.

Worse than the flat section was the onset of a headwind. I’m of the opinion the only thing that a headwind is good for is getting planes off the ground. Otherwise, they suck. To make matters worse, it wasn’t a direct headwind. There was a subtle crosswind too that with each gust pushed our canoe towards the rock wall on the right side. Each time that happened Nil and I frantically paddled to keep the canoe on the straight and narrow.

Beyond that, not much else happened until was reached our campsite at Flying Fox, an off-grid home that can only be accessed by a cable car running across the river (if coming by road). It was another painfully steep climb to camp; I get it, they’re trying to keep themselves safe from floods. When I reached the top of the hill, I opened my big blue barrel to check the damages. Long story short, it’s not as waterproof as the others so some water had gotten in when Matt and Nil had their fun. I knew this would happen, although I didn’t account for two things, namely my wallet and passport, and the box of laundry detergent sheets I’d been carrying around. They had all reacted with the water, giving everything inside a soapy feeling to it. Does this count as a legal form of money laundering?

The camp itself was very pretty. We had a big lawn to pitch our tents on, loads of avocado trees dotted around that I most definitely did not run into, and freely roaming chickens checking us and our food out. I let my tent dry and had my first shower since Coupers Crossing then settled down for the evening. I had been apologising profusely to Vicky all day after we made our acquaintances with the rock, but she seemed to be in good spirits. I reckon this is something we can reflect back on later with a bit of a laugh. Just don’t put me in the back of a canoe ever again.

As the sun set, we migrated to the firepit where Matt had a begun a fire.

It was nice, but with my illness I didn’t stay long. It’s funny, before I started paddling I was saying how much I was looking forward to giving my feet a break for a few days, and now I’m at a point where I want to get back to simple walking again. Just not before Christmas.